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We have carefully chosen these articles to help you in your adoption journey. These resources are provided by other organizations, and do not always represent the views of the Post Adoption Resource Center.
In this book, over thirty adopted teens and young adults talk about their feelings, thoughts, experiences, and unanswered questions. We’ve Been There not only shares what they learned but also what they wish someone had told them.
WebsiteTips for keeping families rooted in safety and growing in connection during the COVID-19 quarantine.
WebsiteWhile most adoptees are physically and emotionally healthy, adopted children are more likely than non-adopted children to have significant physical health problems as well as difficulties with emotions, concentration and, behaviors.
WebsiteWhat is a Lifebook? A Lifebook is a record of a child’s memories, past and present, in his or her own words. As a child moves through foster care, oftentimes his or her life story gets lost. The Lifebook pages are used to document important events and celebrations, honoring a child’s life. It is also used as a way to open up discussion and help a child work through losses.
WebsiteIn this book, over thirty adopted teens and young adults talk about their feelings, thoughts, experiences, and unanswered questions. We’ve Been There not only shares what they learned but also what they wish someone had told them.
WebsiteLeaving home is a challenging period in nearly everyone’s life, fraught with conflicting feelings and needs: the earnest desire for independence and autonomy, alongside the fear of failure, and continuing sense of dependence on parents and others in authority over one’s life.
WebsiteAn Adoptive Families compilation of articles with information on: positive adoption talks at every age, explaining birth parents and birth siblings, talking with friends and family, exploring tough topics, and answering questions at school.
WebsiteThree to five year olds are curious; their burgeoning cognitive and language skills are tools for figuring out what life is about. The questions they ask offer insight into how much they want to belong, to be accepted, to be safe and secure.
WebsiteBy this age, children are starting school. Peers and teachers begin to influence their view of the world and of themselves. Children take on new roles - of pupil, classmate, friend - and they begin to question where, exactly, they fit in the world.
WebsiteSchool-age children—those between the ages of 6 and 12—learn critical skills and gain interests that carry into adolescence and adulthood. Adoption can add layers of complexity to their developmental tasks. Adoptive parents can best support their children by learning as much as they can about child development and by being aware of how adoption may influence their child’s emotional growth.
WebsiteThe statistics are revealing. A third of adolescents referred for psychotherapy are adopted. Adolescence is the peak period for psychiatric referrals in the life of the adoptee. This article addresses the six common key areas of vulnerability that adolescents face, and how you can support them in these areas.
WebsiteParenting adopted children brings with it unique challenges and rewards. Children adopted at older ages—especially those from the U.S. foster care system—typically come to their new families after a history of some trauma, abuse, or neglect, and a storehouse of unresolved emotions. From the start, adoptive parents need to be ready with their sleeves rolled up, prepared to work hard in order to experience the many rewards of adopting older children.
WebsiteUnderstanding trauma is paramount to understanding the needs of the child you are caring for. But what if the child in your care came to you immediately or shortly after birth? Your newborn hasn’t suffered “abuse or neglect.” She came to you with a trauma free slate. You are the only caregiver she has ever known, and you’ve loved and nurtured her with great dedication from day one. But then you start to notice things . . .
WebsiteSo many parents are familiar with the adolescent anthem “When I’m Eighteen, I’m Leaving.” This refrain is as common with adopted adolescents as it is with adolescents who were born to their families.
WebsiteDuring the teenage years, youth form an identity that is separate from their parents and begin to learn adult life skills. Adoption adds complexity to the normal developmental tasks of teenagers, regardless of the age they were adopted. This factsheet is designed to help you, the adoptive parent, understand your adopted teenager’s experiences and needs so you can respond with practical strategies that foster healthy development.
WebsiteChildhood maltreatment can be linked to later physical, psychological, and behavioral consequences as well as costs to society as a whole. The outcomes for each child may vary widely and are affected by a combination of factors. Additionally, children who experience maltreatment often are affected by other adverse experiences, which can make it difficult to separate the unique effects of maltreatment.
WebsiteThe systems in the human brain that allow us to form and maintain emotional relationships develop during infancy and the first years of life. Experiences during this early vulnerable period of life are critical to shaping the capacity to form intimate and emotionally healthy relationships.
WebsiteThe child’s internal blueprint for relationship says that love equals pain, rejection, and abandonment. When parenting a child with such a definition of love, adoptive parents soon find that conventional parenting techniques are profoundly ineffective.
WebsiteChildren coming from situations of trauma, abuse, or neglect often experience the loss of their ability to voice their needs in a healthy way and the loss of trust that these needs will be met. Interventions for children from hard places must include restoring voice, which in turn encourages trust, healing, and attachment. Drs. Karyn Purvis and David Cross explore what the loss of voice means for children, and how appropriate interventions and therapies can allow them to give voice to their needs and experience healing within a safe, nurturing family. The article includes a brief list of recommended skills and strategies for parents and caregivers.
Website"This is not a conscious choice, but rather, as the traumatized brain sees it, a fight between life and death where manipulation equals life, while asking equals death."
WebsiteChildren and youth who have been adopted and maintain relationships with their birth families, caregivers, and other important people in their lives benefit in significant ways. Adoptive parents can play an instrumental role in helping their children maintain contact with their birth families or other important caregivers.
WebsiteIt’s no longer a matter of if they will have contact with their birthparents, it’s a matter of when. It’s no longer a matter of will they have contact, it’s how will that contact look?
WebsiteAdoptive parents must think through how to help their adopted tweens and teens navigate birth family contact and relationships online via Facebook or other social networks. The Internet has fundamentally changed adoptive parenting and adoptive parents need to think through how best to use it as a tool.
WebsiteFoster and adopted children come to our homes from what are often chaotic and even unsafe conditions. We know that open adoption is good for our kids. But navigating open adoption with potentially “unsafe” birth family is much trickier when we are unsure of the safety implications.
WebsiteRecognizing that your child is experiencing a mental health crisis can be difficult. You may not be sure what constitutes a crisis situation versus a “bad day” or “phase.” You may feel scared — perhaps you feel unsure of how to protect your child. Combine this with navigating a complicated school and health care system and a lack of resources for people struggling with a mental health crisis, and it’s easy to feel discouraged.
WebsiteAmbiguous loss—a feeling of grief or distress combined with confusion about the lost person or relationship—is a normal aspect of adoption.
WebsiteThe child welfare system must support children’s and youth’s work to grieve their losses. And we must ensure that professionals and parents understand how grief and loss affect children and youth and may lead to challenging behaviors. We must approach the behaviors caused by grief as normal, not as a pathological diagnosis.
WebsiteParenting adopted children brings with it unique challenges and rewards. Children adopted at older ages—especially those from the U.S. foster care system—typically come to their new families after a history of some trauma, abuse, or neglect, and a storehouse of unresolved emotions. From the start, adoptive parents need to be ready with their sleeves rolled up, prepared to work hard in order to experience the many rewards of adopting older children.
WebsiteWhen children do not know how to verbally express their needs (which is predominantly the case during early childhood), they “speak” through their behaviors. In other words, behavior is a form of communication. When a parent can stop, pause, and “listen” to the behavior of a child, it can become quite obvious what the child is saying. Looking at the behavior from an objective perspective also unveils the logic behind the child’s behavior.
WebsiteFear, anger, loss and grief. Most of us would prefer to not have to deal with adoption fall-out. It is emotional, messy, complicated stuff that most of us were not raised to handle. But somewhere between the ages of four and ten, our adopted children begin to realize that in gaining an adoptive family, they have suffered some very significant losses.
WebsiteFor many adopted children and those in foster care, the three most difficult days of the year are Mother’s Day, Christmas or Hanukkah, and the child’s birthday. These special days often bring about feelings of loneliness, sadness, and grief, especially for children who had spent them with abusive parents, those on drugs or alcohol, or without a family setting at all in the past.
WebsiteOur fact sheets explain special education laws and practices. The documents are easy to read and give links to more in-depth resources.
WebsiteWhat is the process of obtaining an IEP for your child? What is Section 504? How does adoption fit into all of this?
WebsiteThis series of resources is designed to help children who have experienced trauma and adversity, by helping their parents, caregivers, and other adults in their lives understand how that early trauma may have affected them. Each guide can be downloaded and shared to provide ideas for how to help children, and links to additional information and resources.
WebsiteWhile people of color are still underrepresented in books for kids and teens, we've found lots of great reads with diverse main or supporting characters in all sorts of genres, including mystery, fantasy, romance, adventure, sci-fi, graphic novels, historical fiction, novels in verse -- you name it!
WebsiteWe tend to think of trauma as the result of a frightening and upsetting event. But many children experience trauma through ongoing exposure, throughout their early development, to abuse, neglect, homelessness, domestic violence or violence in their communities. And it’s clear that chronic trauma can cause serious problems with learning and behavior.
WebsiteAn Adoptive Families compilation of articles with information on: positive adoption talks at every age, explaining birth parents and birth siblings, talking with friends and family, exploring tough topics, and answering questions at school.
WebsiteTransitioning to a new school, or entering school for the first time, can be difficult for any child. Those difficulties are only increased when your child is adopted. Most internationally adopted children do not arrive home ready for an academic school setting. Due to their unique situation, adopted children may face difficulties adjusting to the transition other children do not.
WebsiteAs a new school year approaches, parents may find it useful to share information about fetal alcohol spectrum disorders with teachers and other school personnel. The information below is designed to help educators understand the effects of prenatal exposure to alcohol so that children and youth have the best opportunities to learn and succeed.
WebsiteThis handout can be distributed to other parents at your child's school.
WebsiteAs the high school years come to an end, some teens may experience a wide range of emotions including ambivalence around leaving home.
WebsiteYou may be wondering what information you should be giving to your child’s teacher about his or her adoption. Here is a link to a great article that addresses exactly that.
WebsiteRecognizing that your child is experiencing a mental health crisis can be difficult. You may not be sure what constitutes a crisis situation versus a “bad day” or “phase.” You may feel scared — perhaps you feel unsure of how to protect your child. Combine this with navigating a complicated school and health care system and a lack of resources for people struggling with a mental health crisis, and it’s easy to feel discouraged.
WebsiteOur fact sheets explain special education laws and practices. The documents are easy to read and give links to more in-depth resources.
WebsiteWhat is the process of obtaining an IEP for your child? What is Section 504? How does adoption fit into all of this?
WebsiteIt is important to remember that if a child has FASD she has a disability. Behaviours she exhibits are quite often a result of the disability and her environment. The child’s behaviours are not intentional. She is not doing things to purposely make you mad or frustrated; her behaviours are a direct result of the prenatal alcohol exposure and often become a way of communicating. Once we understand and make sense of her behaviours it will be easier to put the proper supports and interventions in place.
WebsiteThe prevalence of speech and language delays in children placed for adoption from foster care or through intercountry adoption are so common that parents ought to expect that their child will have a communication-related delay. Preparing for this challenge will position parents to better meet their child’s language needs and encourage catch-up growth and development.
WebsiteWhile most adoptees are physically and emotionally healthy, adopted children are more likely than non-adopted children to have significant physical health problems as well as difficulties with emotions, concentration and, behaviors.
WebsiteChildhood maltreatment can be linked to later physical, psychological, and behavioral consequences as well as costs to society as a whole. The outcomes for each child may vary widely and are affected by a combination of factors. Additionally, children who experience maltreatment often are affected by other adverse experiences, which can make it difficult to separate the unique effects of maltreatment.
WebsiteAs a new school year approaches, parents may find it useful to share information about fetal alcohol spectrum disorders with teachers and other school personnel. The information below is designed to help educators understand the effects of prenatal exposure to alcohol so that children and youth have the best opportunities to learn and succeed.
WebsiteParenting a child with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD) is a journey. It can sometimes be very challenging and very rewarding at the same time. You cannot parent a child with an FASD without having it change your life and most often, for the better. You will meet some amazing people, make some amazing friendships, and see a beautiful child work really hard to be the best person they can be with your love and support.
WebsiteMany children in foster care and adoption struggle with sensory processing, and being thoughtful about how this affects their behavior can help parents create opportunities for success.
WebsiteWhen children do not know how to verbally express their needs (which is predominantly the case during early childhood), they “speak” through their behaviors. In other words, behavior is a form of communication. When a parent can stop, pause, and “listen” to the behavior of a child, it can become quite obvious what the child is saying. Looking at the behavior from an objective perspective also unveils the logic behind the child’s behavior.
WebsiteSome experts say the normal effects of severe adversity may be misdiagnosed as ADHD.
WebsiteFor us to understand where some of our children’s most challenging behaviors come from, we must first realize just how much neglect and trauma affect every aspect of a child’s development. We are social-emotional beings with an innate need to connect and form meaningful attachment relationships. Every interpersonal skill required for us to be successful in creating and sustaining these relationships must be learned.
WebsiteIn this book, over thirty adopted teens and young adults talk about their feelings, thoughts, experiences, and unanswered questions. We’ve Been There not only shares what they learned but also what they wish someone had told them.
WebsiteChildren’s curiosity about their adoption story is a normal part of growing up. Open and informative discussions are crucial for the development of your child’s sense of self.
WebsiteHow to handle difficult questions and address sensitive issues.
WebsiteAn Adoptive Families compilation of articles with information on: positive adoption talks at every age, explaining birth parents and birth siblings, talking with friends and family, exploring tough topics, and answering questions at school.
WebsiteOne of the toughest problems adoptive parents face is that of talking to our children about the reasons they were placed for adoption. Our families are so happy and loving that we hate to bring up any unpleasant information.
Website“Adopted or foster children will only ask their caregivers the questions they feel they have the permission to ask.” Are we giving them that permission?
WebsiteIf you have a connection to adoption, chances are high that you or someone you know has been asked intrusive questions about adoption. These questions can feel extremely off putting, inappropriate, and hurtful. Adoptees and adoptive parents will likely face a lifetime of these questions, and it is important that they feel empowered to know how to respond.
WebsiteThree to five year olds are curious; their burgeoning cognitive and language skills are tools for figuring out what life is about. The questions they ask offer insight into how much they want to belong, to be accepted, to be safe and secure.
WebsiteBy this age, children are starting school. Peers and teachers begin to influence their view of the world and of themselves. Children take on new roles - of pupil, classmate, friend - and they begin to question where, exactly, they fit in the world.
WebsiteBooks to help initiate conversations about birthparents with adopted children.
WebsiteAdoptive parents must think through how to help their adopted tweens and teens navigate birth family contact and relationships online via Facebook or other social networks. The Internet has fundamentally changed adoptive parenting and adoptive parents need to think through how best to use it as a tool.
WebsiteMost children and youth who were adopted will someday look to find out about their birth family members or will have questions about their pasts. This tip sheet looks at what you can do to support your children when you have little or no information about their birth family.
WebsiteIn the September 2015 issue of NCFA's Adoption Advocate, Rhonda Jarema writes about the importance of talking with adopted children about their birth families, and offers some suggestions for adoptive parents.
WebsiteWhile recognizing that it can be uncomfortable for parents to discuss adoption with their children, in the December 2011 issue of NCFA's Adoption Advocate, Nicole Callahan offers advice to help parents create an open, honest, and age appropriate dialogue with their children. She emphasizes the importance of beginning this conversation early to help a child feel secure in their identity and facilitate further conversations.
WebsiteNACAC encourages all families to continue having conversations with their children, extended family, and friends about the ongoing impact of race, social injustice, and police violence. One way to help is to share resources such as those we compiled below.
WebsiteWhile people of color are still underrepresented in books for kids and teens, we've found lots of great reads with diverse main or supporting characters in all sorts of genres, including mystery, fantasy, romance, adventure, sci-fi, graphic novels, historical fiction, novels in verse -- you name it!
WebsiteHelping a child embrace their racial identity is more than just having conversations about race and culture. Instead, parents need to be active advocates for transracial adoptee justice, a process that requires parents to address their own biases, alter their own mindsets, and take action.
WebsiteAlthough transracial adoption and foster care have been a controversial topic for more than a decade, the number of children entering such placements continues to increase. The realities of children living in transracial families raise many questions...
WebsiteThe resources below were identified by Deb Reisner, NACAC’s parent support specialist who facilitates NACAC’s support services for transracial adoptive families in Minnesota.
WebsiteRecognizing that your child is experiencing a mental health crisis can be difficult. You may not be sure what constitutes a crisis situation versus a “bad day” or “phase.” You may feel scared — perhaps you feel unsure of how to protect your child. Combine this with navigating a complicated school and health care system and a lack of resources for people struggling with a mental health crisis, and it’s easy to feel discouraged.
WebsiteTrauma can have a lasting effect on brain development in children. If not addressed, it can lead to trouble with school, relationships, or drugs and alcohol.
WebsiteThis series of resources is designed to help children who have experienced trauma and adversity, by helping their parents, caregivers, and other adults in their lives understand how that early trauma may have affected them. Each guide can be downloaded and shared to provide ideas for how to help children, and links to additional information and resources.
WebsiteTips for keeping families rooted in safety and growing in connection during the COVID-19 quarantine.
WebsiteWe tend to think of trauma as the result of a frightening and upsetting event. But many children experience trauma through ongoing exposure, throughout their early development, to abuse, neglect, homelessness, domestic violence or violence in their communities. And it’s clear that chronic trauma can cause serious problems with learning and behavior.
WebsiteWhile most adoptees are physically and emotionally healthy, adopted children are more likely than non-adopted children to have significant physical health problems as well as difficulties with emotions, concentration and, behaviors.
WebsiteChildhood maltreatment can be linked to later physical, psychological, and behavioral consequences as well as costs to society as a whole. The outcomes for each child may vary widely and are affected by a combination of factors. Additionally, children who experience maltreatment often are affected by other adverse experiences, which can make it difficult to separate the unique effects of maltreatment.
WebsiteChildren who are exposed to traumatic life events are at significant risk for developing serious and long-lasting problems across multiple areas of development. However, children are far more likely to exhibit resilience to childhood trauma when child-serving programs, institutions, and service systems understand the impact of childhood trauma, share common ways to talk and think about trauma, and thoroughly integrate effective practices and policies to address it—an approach often referred to as trauma-informed care (TIC).
WebsiteThe systems in the human brain that allow us to form and maintain emotional relationships develop during infancy and the first years of life. Experiences during this early vulnerable period of life are critical to shaping the capacity to form intimate and emotionally healthy relationships.
WebsiteParenting adopted children brings with it unique challenges and rewards. Children adopted at older ages—especially those from the U.S. foster care system—typically come to their new families after a history of some trauma, abuse, or neglect, and a storehouse of unresolved emotions. From the start, adoptive parents need to be ready with their sleeves rolled up, prepared to work hard in order to experience the many rewards of adopting older children.
WebsiteUnderstanding trauma is paramount to understanding the needs of the child you are caring for. But what if the child in your care came to you immediately or shortly after birth? Your newborn hasn’t suffered “abuse or neglect.” She came to you with a trauma free slate. You are the only caregiver she has ever known, and you’ve loved and nurtured her with great dedication from day one. But then you start to notice things . . .
WebsiteChildren coming from situations of trauma, abuse, or neglect often experience the loss of their ability to voice their needs in a healthy way and the loss of trust that these needs will be met. Interventions for children from hard places must include restoring voice, which in turn encourages trust, healing, and attachment. Drs. Karyn Purvis and David Cross explore what the loss of voice means for children, and how appropriate interventions and therapies can allow them to give voice to their needs and experience healing within a safe, nurturing family. The article includes a brief list of recommended skills and strategies for parents and caregivers.
WebsiteSome experts say the normal effects of severe adversity may be misdiagnosed as ADHD.
Website"This is not a conscious choice, but rather, as the traumatized brain sees it, a fight between life and death where manipulation equals life, while asking equals death."
WebsiteChildren who have experienced traumatic events need to feel safe and loved. All parents want to provide this kind of nurturing home for their children. However, when parents do not have an understanding of the effects of trauma, they may misinterpret their child’s behavior and end up feeling frustrated or resentful. Their attempts to address troubling behavior may be ineffective or, in some cases, even harmful.
WebsiteChildren who have been abused or neglected need safe and nurturing relationships that address the effects of child maltreatment. If you are parenting a child who has been abused or neglected, you might have questions about your child’s experiences and the effects of those experiences.
WebsiteWhether adopted from birth or later in life, all adopted children have experienced some degree of trauma. Trauma is any stressful event which is prolonged, overwhelming, or unpredictable. Though we are familiar with events impacting children such as abuse, neglect, and domestic violence, until recently, the full impact of trauma on adopted children has not been understood.
WebsiteThe most important property of humankind is the capacity to form and maintain relationships. These relationships are absolutely necessary for any of us to survive, learn, work, ...
WebsiteDisclosure is when a child tells another person that he or she has been sexually abused. Disclosure can be a scary and difficult process for children. Some children who have been sexually abused may take weeks, months, or even years to fully reveal what was done to them. Many children never tell anyone about the abuse.
WebsiteAll children need homes that are safe and full of love. Children who have experienced severe trauma may need more. Early, hurtful experiences can cause children to see and react in different ways. Some children who have been adopted or placed into foster care need help to cope with what happened to them in the past. Knowing what experts say about early trauma can help you work with your child.
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